God Is Fighting For You
I've heard that the greatest fear of mankind is death. But I would argue otherwise. I think man's greatest fear is being alone.
From the clothes we wear, to the things we say, the places we go on Friday nights, the activities we do, the kind of people we surround ourselves with, etcetera we trying to create a niche for ourselves. Social media serves to create a facade of who we want others to see us as, as we post for approval through "likes," "favorites," and "retweets." Kids want to grow up to be a famous movie star, musician, or athlete. Our society is desperate for approval. We all, at some level, just want to be known and be liked.
So what do we do when we don't feel loved? What do we do when we don't seem to fit in anywhere? What do we do when we feel alone and insignificant? What do we do when we are rejected and heartbroken?
If you are feeling lonely, insignificant, rejected, heartbroken, or struggling with a tragedy or a loss you are not alone in feeling this way. Jesus knows what it is like to feel abandoned by his friends, the loss of people he cared for, and rejection from the very people he came to save. These feelings are important parts of my testimony, as well, which I am about to share with you. I have handled these feelings in ways that I am not proud of but God has brought redemption to all of my mistakes. It is only recently that I have truly discovered the power of God in circumstances such as these and the comfort that only He can provide if we just turn it all over to Him.
I grew up (predominantly) in a wealthy suburb of Indianapolis with everything I could ever want and more. I have been incredibly blessed with loving, God-fearing parents that have dedicated a lot of time and energy to give me the best life I could possibly have. Throughout elementary school I never questioned God, I had no reason to.
I had moved a couple of times growing up but, while that was difficult, I encountered my first true test of faith when I was in 6th grade, at 12 years old, when one of my closest friends, Ellen, was diagnosed with leukemia. As I watched her go through round after round of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants the severity of her illness set in further. About a year and a half after her diagnosis she passed away on December 14, 2007. I don't remember it ever occurring to me that she could die. 14 year olds weren't supposed to die, especially not one that was my friend. She was too young, too nice, too caring, and had too much potential to die that day, didn't God know that? Why didn't he save her, especially after all of my prayers?
High school followed with a series of poor relationships; people told me I wasn't good enough, I had many destructive, manipulative, and deceptive friendships, and those I fully opened up to and grew closest to abandoned our friendship with seemingly no explanation. I was lonely and angry with God for taking Ellen and then not leaving me anywhere to fit in. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. I conformed to things other people were doing even when I knew it was wrong and became someone I did not even recognize. I hated who I was and took out my anger, hurt, and confusion on myself instead of turning it to God and looking to Him for comfort while trusting in His plan. Depression and anxiety became reflected in my lonely, aching heart. At this point I thought that if there really was a God He was far away and didn't seem to care much about me.
My parents always wanted to go on a mission trip as a family. So when I was 16 years old I found myself in the slums of Cartagena, Colombia for the first time. It was so easy to fall in love with these people - they were beautiful inside and out and were excited to have us there. The kids wanted to hug me, they wanted to play with me, and they fought over who got to hold my hand. These people didn't have much, but the little they did have they generously offered to me. They would offer food and water when they just barely had enough for themselves, they opened up their homes, they did whatever they could to make me comfortable. What touched me the most was they didn't care what I looked like, what I had to offer them, what my GPA was, etcetera; they accepted me right there as I was and they treated me like a celebrity. I was supposed to be the one blessing them, wasn't I? I left Colombia feeling like the one who had been blessed.
After returning to the United States, I remember being at church the next weekend and we sang the song "One Thing Remains," and I found God again in that moment. Constant in the trial and the change, one thing remains: Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. That was exactly the love I had been looking for, I just wasn't looking for it in the right places. It was right in front of me the whole time and I had pushed it away.
Even after that moment I have had a lot of pain come from people leaving. It seemed like any time I got close to someone, pushed back my guard, and let them into my life they would abandon our relationship, leaving me wondering what happened and feeling stupid for believing the "I will always be here for you" line. Even now, in college and in my 20s, this has been a constant battle for me. Just within the past couple of months I felt the disappointment of a relationship that meant a lot to me ending abruptly. It's exhausting and discouraging to be willing to do anything for someone that isn't willing to do the same for you.
Kari Jobe, a Christian singer, songwriter, and worship leader came to Indianapolis on March 30 and I had the opportunity to go see her. I went with this hurt on my heart but with the faith that God would provide what I needed. In the middle of the concert, Kari paused in a song and said, "He is fighting for you, you're not alone." I felt like she had said that directly to me - that was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of.
People will disappoint you and leave you feeling abandoned, but God is fighting for you.
People will tell you that you're not good enough, but Jesus thinks you're worth dying for.
Our Father, Best Friend, and Everything fought for us thousands of years ago on the cross, and He still pursues us daily even when we're not pursuing Him back. For years I was fighting for relationships with people who weren't fighting back while God was - and is - constantly doing the same thing for me.
Too often we try to find our identity in other people. We look for love and acceptance in the world to make us feel as though we belong. I'm learning to value relationships differently though. People will disappoint you but they don't define you. Your identity isn't in anyone but Christ. When we place those expectations on other people we'll feel let down every time because it is not realistic. Only God can give us hope and reveal to us who we are and what our worth is in Him. He is our only constant.
We also have to remember that not everyone that comes into our lives is meant to stay, no matter how badly we want them to. Sometimes we can look back and realize that a person just was not good for us, but sometimes we don't know why they left and we may never know. With a loss such as mine with Ellen I just have to believe that she had fulfilled her purpose here on earth and God was calling her home. As for the others I don't know why they left, but if I had never met those people I would not have learned lessons that were vital for Him in shaping me into the person He wants me to be while growing more mature in my relationship with Him.
Your heartbreak is different than mine and I don't know or understand your exact situation or the level of pain that you are feeling. I'm not going to be able to write anything that will make it all feel better. What I do know and can say is God has drawn close to you (Psalm 34:18). He's wrapping His arms around you, wanting you to know that this pain is only temporary (Revelation 21:4). He will redeem all of it for you one day and He wants you to find hope and comfort in that; His promise through Jesus.
In my recent heartbreak I (probably for the first time) turned it all completely over to God and He has brought me so much peace and comfort. A year ago I would have felt broken, but now I know the true power of God's love. I have fallen back into Him, am overwhelmed by his love, and am trusting that He will bring the people that I need in this life to me.
As for those that have done us wrong or left us feeling abandoned we must forgive them. Holding onto the pain you feel will only hurt yourself. Many times the person that you feel has done you wrong will not feel that they have done anything hurtful or has justified their actions to themselves. In these situations we just need to show them grace. We need to let go of any resentment or hurt feelings that will only leave us bitter and show them love and forgiveness, even if they don't think they need it. We must also remember that there are times when we let people down, and we have all probably left someone else feeling rejected. We're all guilty of hurting each other. As Christ Followers we have experienced the grace of God and He expects us to extend it to others.
It's okay to be sad and feel heartbroken. If you need to cry, do it! Have your time to mourn a loss, it's healthy, but don't get hung up on it - that was my mistake in the past. It's okay to get angry at God, tell Him how you feel. I am reading a Psalm a day and I love the honesty throughout this book. The authors were sincere with God, communicating joy, pain, sadness, anger, and thanksgiving. No matter what kind of feeling they were facing - happy or hurt - they still recognized that God is in control, has authority and is always good. Run to God and turn every negative thought and feeling over to Him, just like the authors of the Psalms. In doing so this week He has steadied my heart and I have found so much joy in Him! Jesus walked this earth and understands the things we are going through. During his time here he also struggled with relationships, friends dying, and his friends betraying him. (His own disciples betrayed him just before his death.) He sees and feels our pain, and He comes down and offers us comfort and security in Him. His arms are always wide open, ready for you to run to them.
God can take the broken things in our lives and turn them into something beautiful. During my second trip to Colombia God orchestrated an encounter with a girl who was in the hospital after trying to commit suicide for the fifth time because of her loneliness and people telling her she was worthless. I was able to share my stories and the destructive ways that I turned my hurt inwards onto myself as well, but also the hope that I have found in Christ and His unfailing love. I talked to her about having a relationship with Jesus and prayed with her as she accepted Jesus into her heart. God used a painful part of my unique story to reach out to a girl in a way that no one else in our group could have. Suffering helps us to be more compassionate to others who are hurting and directs our ministry. He never promised us that we wouldn't run into trouble, but He promises to be with us through it and He will use it.
No matter what you are going through, or what you will go through, and whatever kind of pain or hopelessness you may be feeling, or will feel, do not give up. You matter and God has a promise for you that He will fulfill if you do not give up. The Lord is fighting for you (Exodus 14:14). Nothing else will satisfy your heart like the love of God who sent his Son to die on the cross so that you may spend eternity with Him in heaven where He is preparing a place just for you.
Jesus left his disciples with this final passage before Judas betrayed him and he would be taken to be crucified. I pray that we may all find peace in Jesus, remembering that he is with us through our trials in this broken world that he has overcome:
From the clothes we wear, to the things we say, the places we go on Friday nights, the activities we do, the kind of people we surround ourselves with, etcetera we trying to create a niche for ourselves. Social media serves to create a facade of who we want others to see us as, as we post for approval through "likes," "favorites," and "retweets." Kids want to grow up to be a famous movie star, musician, or athlete. Our society is desperate for approval. We all, at some level, just want to be known and be liked.
"My generation is the most fatherless and insecure generation that's ever lived, and we are willing to sacrifice everything if we just can be told we are loved."
-Jefferson Bethke, "Jesus>Religion"
So what do we do when we don't feel loved? What do we do when we don't seem to fit in anywhere? What do we do when we feel alone and insignificant? What do we do when we are rejected and heartbroken?
If you are feeling lonely, insignificant, rejected, heartbroken, or struggling with a tragedy or a loss you are not alone in feeling this way. Jesus knows what it is like to feel abandoned by his friends, the loss of people he cared for, and rejection from the very people he came to save. These feelings are important parts of my testimony, as well, which I am about to share with you. I have handled these feelings in ways that I am not proud of but God has brought redemption to all of my mistakes. It is only recently that I have truly discovered the power of God in circumstances such as these and the comfort that only He can provide if we just turn it all over to Him.
I grew up (predominantly) in a wealthy suburb of Indianapolis with everything I could ever want and more. I have been incredibly blessed with loving, God-fearing parents that have dedicated a lot of time and energy to give me the best life I could possibly have. Throughout elementary school I never questioned God, I had no reason to.
I had moved a couple of times growing up but, while that was difficult, I encountered my first true test of faith when I was in 6th grade, at 12 years old, when one of my closest friends, Ellen, was diagnosed with leukemia. As I watched her go through round after round of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants the severity of her illness set in further. About a year and a half after her diagnosis she passed away on December 14, 2007. I don't remember it ever occurring to me that she could die. 14 year olds weren't supposed to die, especially not one that was my friend. She was too young, too nice, too caring, and had too much potential to die that day, didn't God know that? Why didn't he save her, especially after all of my prayers?
High school followed with a series of poor relationships; people told me I wasn't good enough, I had many destructive, manipulative, and deceptive friendships, and those I fully opened up to and grew closest to abandoned our friendship with seemingly no explanation. I was lonely and angry with God for taking Ellen and then not leaving me anywhere to fit in. I was convinced that there was something wrong with me. I conformed to things other people were doing even when I knew it was wrong and became someone I did not even recognize. I hated who I was and took out my anger, hurt, and confusion on myself instead of turning it to God and looking to Him for comfort while trusting in His plan. Depression and anxiety became reflected in my lonely, aching heart. At this point I thought that if there really was a God He was far away and didn't seem to care much about me.
My parents always wanted to go on a mission trip as a family. So when I was 16 years old I found myself in the slums of Cartagena, Colombia for the first time. It was so easy to fall in love with these people - they were beautiful inside and out and were excited to have us there. The kids wanted to hug me, they wanted to play with me, and they fought over who got to hold my hand. These people didn't have much, but the little they did have they generously offered to me. They would offer food and water when they just barely had enough for themselves, they opened up their homes, they did whatever they could to make me comfortable. What touched me the most was they didn't care what I looked like, what I had to offer them, what my GPA was, etcetera; they accepted me right there as I was and they treated me like a celebrity. I was supposed to be the one blessing them, wasn't I? I left Colombia feeling like the one who had been blessed.
After returning to the United States, I remember being at church the next weekend and we sang the song "One Thing Remains," and I found God again in that moment. Constant in the trial and the change, one thing remains: Your love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me. That was exactly the love I had been looking for, I just wasn't looking for it in the right places. It was right in front of me the whole time and I had pushed it away.
Even after that moment I have had a lot of pain come from people leaving. It seemed like any time I got close to someone, pushed back my guard, and let them into my life they would abandon our relationship, leaving me wondering what happened and feeling stupid for believing the "I will always be here for you" line. Even now, in college and in my 20s, this has been a constant battle for me. Just within the past couple of months I felt the disappointment of a relationship that meant a lot to me ending abruptly. It's exhausting and discouraging to be willing to do anything for someone that isn't willing to do the same for you.
Kari Jobe, a Christian singer, songwriter, and worship leader came to Indianapolis on March 30 and I had the opportunity to go see her. I went with this hurt on my heart but with the faith that God would provide what I needed. In the middle of the concert, Kari paused in a song and said, "He is fighting for you, you're not alone." I felt like she had said that directly to me - that was exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of.
People will disappoint you and leave you feeling abandoned, but God is fighting for you.
People will tell you that you're not good enough, but Jesus thinks you're worth dying for.
Our Father, Best Friend, and Everything fought for us thousands of years ago on the cross, and He still pursues us daily even when we're not pursuing Him back. For years I was fighting for relationships with people who weren't fighting back while God was - and is - constantly doing the same thing for me.
Too often we try to find our identity in other people. We look for love and acceptance in the world to make us feel as though we belong. I'm learning to value relationships differently though. People will disappoint you but they don't define you. Your identity isn't in anyone but Christ. When we place those expectations on other people we'll feel let down every time because it is not realistic. Only God can give us hope and reveal to us who we are and what our worth is in Him. He is our only constant.
We also have to remember that not everyone that comes into our lives is meant to stay, no matter how badly we want them to. Sometimes we can look back and realize that a person just was not good for us, but sometimes we don't know why they left and we may never know. With a loss such as mine with Ellen I just have to believe that she had fulfilled her purpose here on earth and God was calling her home. As for the others I don't know why they left, but if I had never met those people I would not have learned lessons that were vital for Him in shaping me into the person He wants me to be while growing more mature in my relationship with Him.
Your heartbreak is different than mine and I don't know or understand your exact situation or the level of pain that you are feeling. I'm not going to be able to write anything that will make it all feel better. What I do know and can say is God has drawn close to you (Psalm 34:18). He's wrapping His arms around you, wanting you to know that this pain is only temporary (Revelation 21:4). He will redeem all of it for you one day and He wants you to find hope and comfort in that; His promise through Jesus.
"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home…. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going."
-John 14:1-4 (NLT)
In my recent heartbreak I (probably for the first time) turned it all completely over to God and He has brought me so much peace and comfort. A year ago I would have felt broken, but now I know the true power of God's love. I have fallen back into Him, am overwhelmed by his love, and am trusting that He will bring the people that I need in this life to me.
As for those that have done us wrong or left us feeling abandoned we must forgive them. Holding onto the pain you feel will only hurt yourself. Many times the person that you feel has done you wrong will not feel that they have done anything hurtful or has justified their actions to themselves. In these situations we just need to show them grace. We need to let go of any resentment or hurt feelings that will only leave us bitter and show them love and forgiveness, even if they don't think they need it. We must also remember that there are times when we let people down, and we have all probably left someone else feeling rejected. We're all guilty of hurting each other. As Christ Followers we have experienced the grace of God and He expects us to extend it to others.
It's okay to be sad and feel heartbroken. If you need to cry, do it! Have your time to mourn a loss, it's healthy, but don't get hung up on it - that was my mistake in the past. It's okay to get angry at God, tell Him how you feel. I am reading a Psalm a day and I love the honesty throughout this book. The authors were sincere with God, communicating joy, pain, sadness, anger, and thanksgiving. No matter what kind of feeling they were facing - happy or hurt - they still recognized that God is in control, has authority and is always good. Run to God and turn every negative thought and feeling over to Him, just like the authors of the Psalms. In doing so this week He has steadied my heart and I have found so much joy in Him! Jesus walked this earth and understands the things we are going through. During his time here he also struggled with relationships, friends dying, and his friends betraying him. (His own disciples betrayed him just before his death.) He sees and feels our pain, and He comes down and offers us comfort and security in Him. His arms are always wide open, ready for you to run to them.
"I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy."
-2 Corinthians 7:4 (ESV)
God can take the broken things in our lives and turn them into something beautiful. During my second trip to Colombia God orchestrated an encounter with a girl who was in the hospital after trying to commit suicide for the fifth time because of her loneliness and people telling her she was worthless. I was able to share my stories and the destructive ways that I turned my hurt inwards onto myself as well, but also the hope that I have found in Christ and His unfailing love. I talked to her about having a relationship with Jesus and prayed with her as she accepted Jesus into her heart. God used a painful part of my unique story to reach out to a girl in a way that no one else in our group could have. Suffering helps us to be more compassionate to others who are hurting and directs our ministry. He never promised us that we wouldn't run into trouble, but He promises to be with us through it and He will use it.
"Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurt."
Not only have I been able to use my stories of rejection in my personal ministry, but they have also helped me to appreciate the good handful of people who have continued to be a blessing to me. It may have taken a while for me to find them but I am so thankful for these friends that encourage me instead of tear me down, have faith in me instead of doubt, and fight for me like I fight for them. These are relationships that reflect Christ and they always point me back to Him.No matter what you are going through, or what you will go through, and whatever kind of pain or hopelessness you may be feeling, or will feel, do not give up. You matter and God has a promise for you that He will fulfill if you do not give up. The Lord is fighting for you (Exodus 14:14). Nothing else will satisfy your heart like the love of God who sent his Son to die on the cross so that you may spend eternity with Him in heaven where He is preparing a place just for you.
Jesus left his disciples with this final passage before Judas betrayed him and he would be taken to be crucified. I pray that we may all find peace in Jesus, remembering that he is with us through our trials in this broken world that he has overcome:
"But the time is coming - indeed it's here now - when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all of this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
-John 16:32-33
Songs I Recommend
"Walk by Faith" - Jeremy Camp
"Steady My Heart" - Kari Jobe
"Find You On My Knees" - Kari Jobe
"Stand" - Britt Nicole
"My Lighthouse" - Rend Collective
"The Rock Won't Move" - Vertical Church Band
"Love Is Here" - Tenth Avenue North
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