Beautifully In Over My Head

Over the last year I have been thinking a lot about the life I lead and how my faith influences it. We've seen thousands of people leave their homes, and their entire country, in the middle east because of persecution for their faith. ISIS is broadcasting executions of Christians for the whole world to see. I've read about and heard first hand from individuals who put everything on the line for Jesus. So with all of these incredible stories of faith and people literally giving up their lives for Christ, I can't help but feel convicted.

I've realized that I live way too comfortably. I'm in suburban America, have a ridiculous excess of resources, have been going to school, attend church on the weekends, and hang out with friends. That's a pretty good summary of my life. Yeah, I go on short term trips in the summer but that is one week out of the year. I'm not saying it's necessarily bad for me, or anyone else, to live this way, but I know that I am avoiding things that stretch me out of this comfort zone. I don't do anything that challenges me in my everyday life. If something seems like it is too much for me to handle I run away.

But, what if instead of running from challenge I welcome it? What if instead of sticking to what I know I let myself become uncomfortable? What if instead of feeling in control I let God have control? What if instead of living safe I live brave?



I am about to embark on the scariest 6+ months of my life so far. God has lead me to several things that I feel inadequate for. I feel way in over my head as I take on young adult ministry, managing an english camp for children in the Guatemala City dump, leading a small group, and confronting poverty in the poorest and most dangerous neighborhoods of the city. When I think about all of these things I am so overwhelmed by responsibility. What is God thinking putting me in these roles? I don't have the ministry skills, people skills, professional skills, or emotional strength to handle these things…. Or do I?

"God doesn't call the equipped. God equips the called."
- Rick Yancey, The 5th Wave

Hebrews 13:21 says, "may he equip you with all you need for doing his will. May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, every good thing that is pleasing to him." God doesn't expect me to have all of the knowledge and experience it takes to accomplish His will. He will give me what I need to carry out His will in the situations He calls me to. If I only involve myself in things I felt I could do on my own, where is there room for God to show His power and faithfulness? He wants me in these uncomfortable things because these are the places where He has room to stretch me. He wants to show me that alone I can't do it, but with Him I can.

Avoiding things because they seem scary or hard is neglecting the fact that, even with faith as small as a mustard seed, I can tell a mountain to move from one place to another and it will move; nothing will be impossible (Matthew 17:20). I haven't allowed myself to be in a situation where I have needed a mountain to move, I've only picked mountains with good enough placements already.

I can sit and say that I'm not satisfied with where my faith is and that I want more, but if I'm not putting it to work how can I possibly have more? I'm not opening up the floor for God to move.

At the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015 I said "yes" - not "I'm not sure" or "it depends" - to commitments through the end of the year that I have felt God leading me to. I may be a little scared and overwhelmed, but this is where God wants me to be. God gave me a spirit, not of timidity, but of power (2 Timothy 1:7), and I need to act like it! I could potentially fail, but I would rather fall flat on my face than continue to be too afraid to step out in faith of what God wants to do in me and through me. So here I am now, beautifully in over my head.

"But God doesn't call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn't come through."
- Francis Chan, Crazy Love

I am not this Jenn Johnson - purely a name coincidence :-)

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