Last Time For Everything

Last call, last chance

Last song, last dance

Sometimes you just don't know when that's gonna be.

- Brad Paisley 

There's a last time for everything.

Sometimes we know it's the last time and sometimes we don't. There's beauty and heartbreak in each.

There's beauty in knowing it's a "last" because you get to do all these things and experience them all with so much intentionality and gratitude. At the same time the joy in these moments feels robbed by sorrow and grief. No matter how much you try to fully appreciate these moments in the moment, when you look back, it never feels like you actually did as much as you could have.

These last couple of days have been filled with anticipated lasts. Today we had to say goodbye to our dog of twelve years, Gully. He's been suffering for a while, as dementia took its course, and it was time to have mercy on him.

With our last dog, Happy, he suddenly got really sick and we had to make a quick decision. When we woke up that morning we did not know that was going to be his last day. With Gully, now, it's different. The decision and appointment were made two days ago, and yesterday was Gully's last full day, filled with lots of other lasts, before his life ended today.

Last time cuddling and napping in my lap on the couch.

Last time popping bubbles.

Last evening out in the back yard.

Last time putting him to bed and whispering, "I love you."

Today was his last time waking up in the morning.

Last time going out in the back yard.

Last time in our home.

Last car ride.

Last hugs.

Last "I love yous."

Last breath.

But there were other lasts that were not anticipated or not as sure. Last holidays and birthdays, last baths, last walk around the block, last high fives and hand shakes, last time sleeping with me in my bed.

The blessing in loss and letting go is the reminder to enjoy every moment, no matter how small, as if you were never going to do it again - or enjoy your time and conversation with people as if you would never see them again.

How might our days look different if we lived as if every event were a last?

Thanks for the 12 years of love and friendship, Gully. Best friends forever.

May 13, 2005 - August 17, 2017