Live by Grace, Not Perfection

Kate’s dad, Jack, was quietly recording her singing in her room, smiling proudly unbeknownst to her. Then, the dog barked and Kate became aware of her unwanted spectator. Upset, Kate left the room. Jack followed Kate outside to apologize. “I don’t see myself the way you see me. And no one else sees me that way either,” Kate said to her father. “Just stop.”

Later, Kate watched the tape Jack had made of her meant-to-be-private performance. Her face softened from agitated to pleased, rewinding to see her dad’s smile and how proud he was of her. Kate went to find her dad in the living room.

“Don’t ever stop,” she told him. “Don’t stop trying to make me see myself the way you see me.” Jack warmly replied, “Okay, Katie girl. I won’t stop.”

This scene from the NBC show, “This is Us” feels personal to me. While it’s a beautiful scene of a loving father encouraging his daughter, it captures an internal struggle and conversation I often have with my Heavenly Father.

“I don’t see myself the way you see me,” I say to God, “and no one else sees me that way either.”

For many years I’ve struggled with how I view myself; with how I perceive others see me. I naturally lean towards being critical of myself and my work. I strive for perfection, which is always unattainable, so I’m almost constantly in a place of self-disappointment and disapproval.

Being a millennial, I am also in a place where I feel like I’m stuck in this in-between of people not believing I am capable of high responsibility or influential tasks, which leads me to a place of questioning myself, or feeling someone is over-emphasizing my abilities and then I doubt if I am able to live up to their expectations and will disappoint them. I don’t have years of experience, but am I ready for opportunities that would give me experience?

Underestimated or overexpectated, creating an internal struggle going back and forth between the two. Either way, no one has higher expectations of me than myself.

I took a strengths-finder assessment and my number one strength is “Restorative” in which they say, “Driven by your talents, you sometimes are intent on performing with precision, exactness, or accuracy. This partially explains why you stop to check, revise, streamline, or enhance everything you do. You might make some corrections. You may even discard what you have done if it fails to meet your high standards. Some individuals might tell you your results are acceptable. Even so, you try to produce flawless outcomes. To some degree, your own opinion about quality matters to you more than anyone else’s (CliftonStrengths).” This definitely describes me, but when I make myself the subject of corrections and outcomes it no longer is a strength. Instead, I have an inner-dialogue of constant correction to my words and actions that makes me my own worst enemy. No one has higher expectations of me than I do.

Surrendering perfection is one of my biggest challenges. But Jesus died because of my imperfection to cover my imperfections with his perfection. So my fight for perfection has to leave God asking me why I am struggling for something Jesus suffered for.

 

Jesus said this in John 15:

“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last.”

- John 15:15-16

What Jesus is saying in this scripture is that it’s not just me that believes in God – believes in Jesus – but God believes in me too. He believes in me and has appointed me to a unique mission here on earth, and because He called me He will equip me with what I need. “Success” is defined by Him and brought by Him. I’m not called to what my definition of “perfection” is, I’m called to obedience; to show up to what He leads me to.

The enemy is not clever in his tactics of stirring up my doubt. I've noticed patterns of the thought processes that haunt me. I recently heard Priscilla Shirer say, "What a shame it would be for the enemy to believe more about your potential than you do." Naturally, if the enemy can discourage us in what we are capable of he can keep us from living into what God has for us. At the same time, I don't think it's so much what is put in our minds than it is what is kept out of them. When doubting myself I am focusing on the doubt instead of the truth of who God says I am. C.S. Lewis touched on this in his book, The Screwtape Letters, a fictional book in which one demon is writing instructional letters to another demon to teach him useful tactics of drawing people away from God.

"It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out."

- C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

He calls me beloved.

He calls me righteous.

He calls me chosen.

He calls me redeemed.

He calls me qualified.

He calls me to do greater things than Jesus did during his time on earth.

These are the things that need to remain in the forefront of our minds to combat self-doubt and unnecessary striving.

Humanity is messy and I’m going to mess up. I’m going to miss things that God is calling me to and there are times I’m going to deliberately disobey Him. But nothing I do surprises God. Instead of shaking His head in disapproval, God looks at me in a way that says, “I know, it’s okay. Do this with me from now on,” as He helps me back up on my feet. I can’t earn or lose His approval with what I do or don’t do right.

“We’re invited because we’re loved, not because we’ve earned it.”

-Bob Goff

I recently found a sign at Hobby Lobby that says, “Live by grace, not perfection,” and I hung it right over my door so I see it and say it before I start my day. It’s a reminder to surrender my insecurities to God and reclaim my identity in Him before I begin my day.

Every time I surrender my self-criticism – my feelings of never being good enough – and return to Him, He pulls me close and tight into His loving, graceful embrace where I can brokenly say, “Please don’t ever stop. Don’t stop trying to make me see myself the way you see me.”

And He promises, “I won’t ever stop.”