Dirt Roads and Dusty Feet
I
was standing on a dirt road on the outskirts of Yangon, Myanmar. I
remember standing there, so aware, all of a sudden, of the weight of my
body pressing into my dusty sandals. My senses heightened, I took in the
heat of that 100 degree day, the lush green trees sprinkled with
vibrant red-orange flowers, and the sound of children screaming in
delight as they chased each other while someone played a Saung – a
traditional Burmese instrument – close by. But in the midst of all of
this I caught my breath as I heard a whisper from the Holy Spirit
saying, “I chose you to be here.”
I
took my sandals off as I entered the home of a woman who sells kindling
wood, and I felt the grooves of the wooden planks on the floor; the
scratches from years of wear and tear.
Back
in January, I remember anxiously thinking that I had no idea what my
life was going to look like in a matter of a few weeks. Now, a couple of
months later, God brought me to that dirt road in a country I probably
could not have even pointed out on a map two weeks before going,
following a string of divinely orchestrated open doors and
opportunities.
I
so often discredit and disqualify myself. I doubt my abilities to
“succeed” and tell myself there’s probably someone more capable than me.
But on that dirt road God told me, “No. I want you. I want you right here, right now.”
And just like that, that dirt road became holy ground.
God’s
not asking for me to muster up extravagance. He says that’s His job.
He’s just asking me to show up – to be present. Then He’ll do what He
needs to do through me.
I
put the pressure to perform on myself, but it’s not about me. My job is to be obedient and take the next step to be
present where He wants me.
“I
will give you every place where you set your foot (Joshua 1:3),” the
Lord said to Joshua after Moses had passed and He was calling on Joshua
to lead the Israelites on. Who am I to follow after Moses? Joshua
probably thought. But the Lord assured Joshua that He would guide his steps. “As I
was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor
forsake you (Joshua 1:5),” He continues. It was never about Moses’
strength, it was about his obedience to follow God’s lead where He could
then show His strength through Moses. God was with Moses and that was
the key to all that Moses had accomplished in his life. And so it would be with Joshua.
It
wasn’t that Joshua didn’t trust God, I think Joshua did trust God. But
Joshua lacked confidence in himself. In Joshua 1:6-9 God tells Joshua
tree times to be strong and courageous followed by what God will do if
Joshua could find his strength and courage.
Faith isn’t the absence of fear, it’s acting in spite of it.
Courage isn’t not being afraid, it’s doing what God has called us to do in spite of feeling afraid.
When
God asked Joshua to be strong and courageous He wasn’t asking for
Joshua to give up being fearful – fearful of failing, fearful of not
living up to the standard of Moses’ leadership, fearful of not being
enough – He was asking Joshua to take each next step He was putting
before him - to be courageous despite the fear. And in doing that God would be right there with him.
Just
like Joshua, I need reminders that God has called me and is with me. My
fear and lack of confidence gets in the way of what God wants to do
through me. I freeze and struggle to take that next step God has put
before me. But in Myanmar God was speaking truth of who He says I am and
that’s enough to qualify me. “I chose you,” He said. “I chose you to be
right here, right now.”
“We may be little, insignificant servants in the eyes of a world
motivated by efficiency, control, and success. But when we realize that
God has chosen us from all eternity, sent us into the world as the
blessed ones, handed us over to suffering, can't we, then, also trust
that our little lives will multiply themselves and be able to fulfill
the needs of countless people?"
- Henri Nouwen, Life of the Beloved
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