The Secret Place: Discernment in Sharing Our Stories
I sit here next to a fireplace and a Christmas tree as I reflect on all that God has taught me in 2018. We’ve wrestled a lot this year – God and I have – and just like Jacob when He wrestled with God I’m coming out with a bit of a limp. But I feel stronger too; more in tune with the Spirit and deeper intimacy with God.
There are pieces that I've shared and pieces I haven't. Not that I haven't written about them, but I haven't felt right in pressing "publish" with everything.
Writing is something I feel called to. Even when I haven’t wanted to I’ve heard God ask me to do it. Even when I haven’t tried to be elegant with my written words people have complimented my writing. Even when I don’t know if I want to write for other people or just for myself several people have asked me this year when I will write a book. I enjoy writing, but it’s not something I’ve cared to do for the accolades of others. I just want to be obedient to God’s instruction to keep writing.
But the last few months I have struggled to do so. What do I write when I feel God asking me to but I don’t have anything particular on my heart to share? What does discernment in sharing look like in this case? I don’t think everything God is teaching me is meant to be told. There are things He is doing in my heart and my life that are secret between us and meant to stay that way.
There are also things that I don’t know how to share because it’s not just my story to share. There are other people involved that may be hurt or negatively impacted by telling the story. It is definitely not my intention to paint others in a negative light through my writing.
And sometimes I just don’t know if I’m ready to write about certain things. In some cases, I feel too close to the situation still, or that I’m not out of the thick of the lesson God is teaching. Banning Liebscher, pastor of Jesus Culture, said in a recent podcast, “Don’t write about what only has short-term fruit.” Most of the time though, I know that it is an ongoing journey of applying the ways of Jesus, how we are called to live, and what He is speaking to me. I don’t know how to write about it when I’m still learning it – when I sometimes take one step forward, two steps back. How many people read my writing and think, “hypocrite?” How often do I read my own writing and say the same thing of myself?
Annie F. Downs ended her most recent book, “Remember God,” in the most encouraging way possible – by admitting her story isn’t where she is wanting it to be.
“I don’t have a grasp on this like I want it. It’s the limp making decisions for me, warning me I could get injured again, instead of reminding me I could get blessed again.”
I got emotional again just typing that. So often some of the things I write about are filled with optimism for the direction my life and relationship with God are heading, but months later I feel as though I’m backed into a familiar corner. But does that mean it's not okay to share? Or like Annie, do I share knowing that I'll have my ups and downs?
What does that mean for my writing? What does this mean for the verse that is on my heart to, “let me tell you what the Lord has done” (Psalm 66:16)? I think it starts with humbling myself to the process of life and what it means to learn to be more like Christ. I think there’s a responsibility to pray and discern what God wants me to share and what He wants me to keep hidden, in secret between Himself and me. I also think there is a vulnerability to acknowledging that I will always be a work in progress, and I don’t for a second believe that once I learn something one day that I won’t need to relearn it the next.
Oh how grateful I am for grace – that even when I mess up, even when I'm disobedient, even when I fall back into familiar but spiritually lethal patterns, and even when I hurt and disappoint others God is not surprised or disheartened. I’m not powerful enough to thwart His plan for me. And the Lord has never had a hopeless thought about me. He simply wants me to refocus on Him, to correct my course back on His flight map and not mine. He is using all of it to write a story - one that can sometimes be encouraging to others but many times is just for myself, so as to experience His heart and His love unique to me.
But those things that God asks me to share, I pray that I will. Because there are things I know He has asked me to write about that I haven't had the courage to write about yet. I'm not always sure why. But I know the power in sharing the stories God calls me to share. So looking into 2019 my desire is to discern and obey with what to publish and what to keep quiet in order to honor God with my words, the gift He has given me, and the story He is first writing for me.
If you are a writer, what does this look like for you? How do you decide what you write for others or just for yourself?
Jenn between reading and writing I feel like I have not been obidient in this not even this past year but a lot longer than that. I have even slacked off on my journal and I feel it. I have felt a push to write about a specific topic for a long time and have even told a few people but I think my biggest fear is that of rejection. Will my words be strong enough to make an impact will the way I tell the stories honor those in it? I really appreciate your transparency and look forward to what you have to say in 2019.
ReplyDeleteI've actually been thinking about my journaling too versus my published writing. I should be spending way more time journaling, but sometimes I prioritize the published because I feel like I need to put something out there. The fear of rejection is soooo real. I feel it too! There will always be critics but someone needs to hear what the Spirit wants to speak through our words. So let's be brave together. Write that thing you need to write! I'm cheering for you, friend. :)
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